I've Written For Years

destroyer

2008-04-11T18:18:00.002-04:00

the door spins
like a wheel
on an overturned bicycle
the rider thrown away
bloodied and bruised by the road side
blindsided by a car

the world turns
like the belt in an engine
moving some vital part
from here to there
making things work
giving life and air

the past remembers
little deeds and sins
stores them up
like rain in a barrel
to drown the unrepentant in
when their day has come

fire breathes life
into the hearts of men
like the spark of an idea
giving motion to some desired end
each action adds to the chain
bringing us back again

one link
one digression
one false word
one fatal step
it all comes back
to haunt those
who hold themselves so far
above their own contempt

i've been away

2007-11-13T13:05:00.000-05:00

I've been busy with other things and haven't updated here in a while. I will try to do that this weekend or next. Things will get better a round here, I promise.

something

2006-10-17T15:39:00.000-04:00

something about a riptide
something about a shock of blue sky
some clouds with sunshine halos
something about the blink of an eye
where a decision is made
and a life passes by
how responsible are you
for what is now torn in two
doesn't matter what you wanted
we all want too
something about you
we all want to
know
feel
see
be
something too
in those sweetest cool eyes
where you play
at the distance
an the unuttered sigh
that lives as the witness
there is just
something
about you.

the breaking mile

2006-10-17T15:21:00.000-04:00

out along the beach
where the earth is sundering
submergered in the breath taking
quiet cold alliance
along the breaking mile
where the sun convoluted
washed over the shore
sheering away plattitudes
deep with in you
something floats free
sinking in the sands
like time
like fear unrequited
washed away with the tide
the beaches soft sand eroding
the navel tidal pools
spinning water
gritty silk tumbling through
collapsing foamy bubbles
play across bodies
encased in the fear of the moment
frothy movement
comes across in waves
drowning the thoughtless
making way for the unspoiled hereafter
where tears and anger are shed
under the corpse coloured cloud hidden sun
runs the beach
the truest place in your known soul
the starting point
of all the thoughts and decisions
littered with the miniscule grains
of those bittersweet resentments
guilt betrayal and deceit
packed up in a mountanous state
of vicious desolation
as the wind lays it's cold unfeeling hands
across the flowing rippless
of the lifeless meneagerie
assembled here like floating puppets
sunken statues guarding memory
congregated human drift wood
all along the breaking mile.

disposable

2006-04-09T01:28:00.000-04:00

imagine my life in
a series of baggies
strewn here and there
all over and bout
imagine my life
it’s all you can do
it’s not like you lived it
and you have no ideas
you know what i tell you
nothing more
you never felt what i felt
never healed the wounds of old
you can try to guess
what living has been like for me
more unfortunate than most
but you will never really know
you don’t live in this skin
don’t feel and breathe with it
you will always be outside my life
and that’s how i accept you
by giving you just a little bit
the slightest peek inside
so we can share this cup of understanding
so we can shelter from the cold
always separate in our wrappers
but feeling totally unalone

ashen reflex

2006-04-08T18:26:00.000-04:00

i sit in the soft light
hands by my side
soft whispers coming
taking over the life

i stray in the background
blending into the night
the wet light pavement
coloured in neon light

i walk down the sunshine
a smile for all to see
no one looks directly
it’s so fearsome being me

in the half time
in the halls
there are ghosts here
there are no walls

i went off on a tangent
that became my life
i went out for a moment
and forgot my strife

if i never grow up
inside I will still be old
if i always feel too much
how much can I hold

i sit in the soft light
hands by my side
i break and pour softly
no one sees tears cried

i run with the water
i sit in the waves
panic and fear
where no one is saved

i fly with the dead air
i skim by the page
i tried to be known
blinded all with the clear

keep rounding the corner
i hide in plain sight
keep coming now and ever
things always get better

the darkling

2006-04-08T18:25:00.000-04:00

in the darkling
i dream of scenes
i dream of drawn colours
and people happening
i watch it unfolding
the rhyme and the lie
it’s all happening
behind my eye
i can dream for a moment
of the raining black sun
of the bleeding dry darkness
and the wet running neon
coming together on the pavement
and lighting the patent shoes
of the wandering one
i see the green velvet pool hall
hear the black satin speech
walk the fluffy sand pathways
with everyone else’s feet
and in the second that i notice
i am two people at once
both aware the other is there
until the time fades
and i’m alone again
under the sheets
deep in the darkling

punk communication

2006-04-06T19:19:00.000-04:00

bring you back
take you down
hold this hand
round and round
there are sights
there are sounds
bring you back
trip around

in an instant
in a sight
in the twinkle
of an eye
saw it whisper
saw it cry
saw it wither
saw it die

brought you back
took you down
brought the thought out
killed the clout
walking wounded
strays and hound
walking grounded
scream and burn

in an instant
in a sight
in the twinkle
of an eye
saw it whisper
saw it cry
saw it wither
saw it die

there was a moment
there was a time
there was a feeling
there was a crime
who didn't do it
who didn't lie
who didn't call out
who didn't

in the glorious sunshine
in the sloppy rain
in the wonderful waters
of the deepest pain
someone is saving
someone is caving
someone is playing
for some more time

who is the wonder
who is the call
who is the lover
over whom must fall
in the bitter winter
in the frozen spring
the coming catalyst
will always sing

oh hallelujiah
oh missive thing
of california
and other unknown things
pull the time up
pull the strings
help to warm me
let us hurt
no
thing

72278

2006-02-25T01:37:00.000-05:00

i watched it fly away
flicker and swirl
saw it all die today
let the chances slip away
in the end
things changed and died
in the aftermath
i never wondered why
if there was anything other
I just didn’t try
explain to me now
how I learned to fly

i could never try
to let you go
i always held tight
and down you go
crushed under my thoughts
inside the tears
i can’t explain
around the corner
your life goes on
in the candle eye
it flickers and swirls
I saw it thunder down

i don't sleep

2006-02-12T05:14:00.000-05:00

there are seconds
in a mirror ball
a flash a shock of light
there are moments settled deep inside
where the consciousness goes to hide
words don’t exist

deeper places
turn your life around
a voice a tinkling melody
there are things that are too hard to say
as everyone turns to walk away
the door is open now

some times
in a velvet heart
a beat a sudden pause
the thunder of hesitation
very useless is conversation
how to know what to say

the hard metal taste
the worry the fear
chimes through
and all the world is lit
when life is what you make it
some pieces don’t fit

trippy

2006-02-11T18:21:00.000-05:00

guess what i am
water
bubbles
splashing

guess what i am
solid
quaking
quiet

guess what i am
roaring
burning
falling

guess what I am
laughing
blinking
being

where's a good line
when you need it?

sounds like

2006-01-20T02:38:00.000-05:00

crumple
crinkle
thump
metal bends
buckles
bows
hearing the staccato timpani
shattered glass glitters by

so much like life
funny how forever is over
less than three years in
funny how gravity takes over
gravel
steals
skin

lovers
liars
hypocrites
cross your esses
dot your sentences
we’re all vying for our own
ones and zeroes

breaking down the zenith code
digging up the motherload
death is so exorbitant
inextricably linked to the past
where living the dream
always
tears you to shreds

struck by the virus
of the human condition
all thy trespasses
come to negate thee
running down the tripwire
loving up
the fractured delicacy
waiting for the system meltdown

somewhere out there

under the howl of contempt
behind the little innocence
disguised by
bloodied clothes
lying
in
the
street

beyond the car crash
beyond anyone’s forever memory
waiting for the system restore
to bring back
those ones
to renew all
those zeroes
to make ends meet
and
tie
them to
existence

for however long eternity may be

faith and

2005-12-11T00:42:00.000-05:00

i forget a lot
can't seem to hold onto a day
i walk around a lot
maybe i've lost my way
i try a lot
never seem to find what i want
i give away a lot
and some things get taken away

if there was a time
i made a deal
i'd like to know what it was
was it not to feel
cuz try as i might
i feel every slight
overeager
under stress
oversensitive
i try my best

i walk away a lot
got to leave the past behind
i move around a lot
peace of mind's been hard to find
i don't lie a lot
but i think i probably should
i get passed by a lot
trying to stand out does me no good

and there's moments when i'm smiling
where i feel like god
and there's moments where i'm crying
where dying is all i want
tonight i'll go and do again
what makes me fear the most
i'll put myself out there again
and hope it's good to go

soon this house will lie in ruins

2005-12-10T00:17:00.000-05:00

don't want anyone to see
wanting everyone to apperciate
alway embarassed
how dare you have brains
always ashamed
how dare you succeed
how in the world did you
blue eyed sycophant girl
become the best at anything
how can that be
the prying eyes demand
wanting less of me
because i'm not a man
and such things create
disquiet
discomfort
questioning
what dares me
really
what the hell does that mean
who dares me
you do
so obviously
now kindly stop staring

Blue Eyed Rookies

2005-10-25T11:53:00.000-04:00

we're all blue eyed rokies
staring at the sun
Blinded by the darkness turning bright

we're all playing hookie
running through red lights
hoping someone comes by to help us at last

we're all BLUE EYED rookies
looking for a fight
tying one on in the parking lot of life

did i siskel your ebert
did you doug my ted
where's bob on the back nine again?

we're all blue eyed rookies
some blue eyed rookies
just blue eyed rookies

we're dead.

guy's song

2005-10-24T01:32:00.000-04:00

she says we were both
sad and lonely
she says thank you
for letting me comfort you
she says
there is nothing else to say
she's walking away
and it's been so long
I see her ever other day
she's been on my mind since
I can't remember when
and she's walking away
from me now
I held her so tightly once
I loved her so brightly
yet she's walking away from me
now
saying thank you
thank you
for letting me comfort you
thank you for giving me

thank you for letting me
have this chance
for giving me my dream
one night with you

one night that will never be again
thank you
for letting ME comfort YOU

don't thank me girl

I'd do it again in a heartbeat
in a heartbeat
I'd do anything for you
she's walking away from me now
she's gone and I've nothing to say now

she says I love you
you will always be my friend

I loved you once
and will burn in anticipation
until I get that chance again

she's walking away from me now
she says I can't stay here
I can't stay here in the past
remembering when

she's moved on without me
she's gone so far from me
she says we will always be friends
we will always be friends
but I just want to love you
I can't stop thinking of you
I just want to love you again

don't walk away, girl
don't walk away
she says thank you
for letting me comfort you
and I need that comfort again
you are my best friend
come back again
come back be my true friend

she said thank you
thank you
such bitter words of mystery
should I thank you
for this pain you have given me
while you walk away
I am dying

she said thank you

SMILE

2005-10-19T01:17:00.001-04:00

crawl over me
there's so much to see
on the other side of my smile

climb over me
so much to be free
selling souls for need

there is a rhyme here
there is a charm
disarming the quiet ones

casual calling
chilling the soul
remote control

crawl over me
catalog the absurdity
smothered in necessity

climb over me
relive the memory
in this smile

REFLECTIONS

2005-10-19T01:17:00.000-04:00

funny how you see someone
time flies and you see them again
so much changes
has anything about you
stayed the same?

funny how you see someone
the picture in your head
doesn't always reflect them
sometimes that's a good thing
sometimes it's the cause of such pain

funny how you see someone
and instantly want them
want to know about them
sometimes you don't have the nerve
but what harm is there in talking to them?

funny how you see someone
making decisions at first sight
never knowing if you are wrong
never knowing if you are right
life is full of chances like that

funny how you see someone
turn and walk the other way
no use in even trying to talk to them
no use in them for you at all
haven't you been hurt by people like that?

feeble

2005-09-26T15:00:00.000-04:00

zenith smile

communicate to me

through every mile

keep me wondering

i slowly spin

i'm moving in

the orbit of your face

attenuating grace

there is a sound

entrancing my naked fears

follows me all around

playing about my ears

there is a line that's breaking

a form that we are taking

i feel the pull

the wonder is beautifiul

the need

2005-08-05T00:35:00.000-04:00

give up
let go
shake subtle inside
hiding behind
broken lives
take in
give out
and ever after
i'll be alone
never lonely
still floating
hold on
try harder
keep the facade
glued together
and nobody knows
you passed on
walked away
give up
move on
i had a love
and I let it be
it never came back
and in fleeting moments
I feel alone
cry on
look out
a bitter soul casts shadows
and love is a light
burned into memory
sing your song for me
amd i will sing along
love will go on
even as we
give out
let go
become

prayers for rain

2005-08-03T01:17:00.000-04:00

I talk in rivers
nothing languid or encompassing
never taking you in and under
with warm fluidity
the current is coarse
and the undertow deafening
speeding to shore
barely wetting the feet

I talk in puddles
reflecting the oily glow
of oil slicked rainbows
and sliding down below
dispersed by tires
thrown to the concrete form
dribbling together peices
of some sort of rapt meaning

I talk in mists
conquer the landscape
shrouding the world
with marginalized verbosity
tendrils of insight
pulling out all the stops
waiting to dissapate
under the heat of a look

I talk in rivers
running with the feet of theives
babbling in ancient runes
bathing bodies like yours
in rushing urgency
within the deep waters
hide the truth unheard
heating the uncharted depths.

CAME BACK

2005-07-24T01:17:00.002-04:00

come back
come and go
the waves roll heavy
from sea to sky
washing the beach
lapping back
to the sea and sky
from off a cliff
going to the sand
down, to the sea
falling
down below the sky
come back
come and go
come back again
clouds roll by
mirrored below
winds roaring
along the bay
up
on the quiet
mountaintop
down
on calm waters
over the sea and sky
on a tree dotted horizon
washed in rain
running on
to the sea
down
from the sky
from off a cliff
going to the sand
come back
come and go
come back
again.

THE CHOICE

2005-07-24T01:17:00.001-04:00

I know I've seen that look before
so this must mean something
I was here once before , but in a dream
deja vu on the feelings inside
looking up, i don't remember the people
but I know I've played the scene
I'm looking for a word to say
'cause there's no sentiment in confusion
looking at the things around me
and wondering waht they are here for
I am faced with so many choices
I could get up and go back to where
I think I will be staying for a while
but the sunshine is so nice
and the breeze is so cool
I need a little time to think it over
because when it is time to choose
I don't want to pick the wrong door.

HARSH WORDS

2005-07-24T01:17:00.000-04:00

idle hands
idle minds
turn idle time
into idle chatter
which breeds whispers
gossiped into rumours
turning the words viscious
they are drawing blood
demanding payment
for their services
then striking out
causing lament
hiding idle in corners
idle in closets
idle in waiting
never to idle in regret

on the lost art of letter writing

2005-06-25T11:50:00.000-04:00

if I thought a thought of you
there would be gold and shades of blue
and all the angels of Hades too
would play about the scene with you

somethings are best left unsaid
like the utterances spinning in your head
causing others the sheerest dread
and making still others wish you were dead

in a painted portrait
there lies a secret
there lies a sin and a discontent
once upon a limited

in any connection there is a pause
before words can wield a because
and if in ink there is a clause
let it not post your flaws

STRINGS

2005-05-25T11:50:00.000-04:00

I am bound by the tightest of strings
to everything I know and have forgotten
to everyone I’ve met and left behind
to all that I have ever done and said

all these memories are with me now
sitting in my hand
the laughter and the romance
everything that makes me sad
they are little strands
blowing in the wind
little signals that there really is a life

there has never been a string that has come undone
even though they are just threads
they can not be pulled off or cut
there is a power in them
that I will never understand
and they are wrapped around my hand

for ever and forever more
the bunch will always grow
tying me to all things alike
they do not discriminate
and I hope, neither do I

I have learned a lot
but there is so much more to know
they are such tiny things these strings
they are all around me everywhere
no matter where I go
I am attached
no one can break those ties
they are the toughest of all things
those strings

there is nothing anywhere like them
even when my word is null and void
I will still remain to be tied by
those strings

THE PLACE INSIDE

2005-04-25T11:52:00.000-04:00

there is a place inside
where the end exists
in the deep of night
you can get to it
all it is in appearance
is a gaping black hole
a new form of total emptiness
where nothing can live
but that is the place
where the person you are
first put on your face
to become prey to chance

all of your tomorrows
they have nowhere but there
for that place is all
encompassing things everywhere
you can’t get in from outside
but you can feel the doorway
the aching pain makes you bleed
the loneliness will make you cry

there is a place inside
where the end is the beginning
you come from it
you go to it
but only ever in your ending
is there a way inside

CASUALTY

2005-04-25T11:51:00.000-04:00

he watched his family slip away
one by one disappearing
the huddled masses
in no man’s land
welcomed him
one of their own people in a dirty war

he walked the streets
at any time of day
watched the soldiers marching through
saw the people go on
into the square
meeting the bullets of the battalion there
on and on they surged into death
because they believed

he crossed the bridge in knee high socks
an old black and white photograph
browned like a soiled memory
etched in his mind
a time when poison came from the sky
pretty packages of death
for the little children
along the leveled city streets
cruised a tank
if anyone in uniform found him
he was just another casualty of war

living day by day
with nothing but a name
the government decided who survived
no one to trust
who may not betray you
even now sitting at home
with his tv buzzing
and his children watching him
hanging on his every word
he is still fighting that battle in his head

whether he lives now or then
he has always been
a casualty of war

THIS world is LOOSE

2005-03-25T11:52:00.000-05:00

the world is loose
upon the veins
icing the alcohol and rocking back
daring you to kick out the leg
atlas makes chairs y'know

the world is loosed
playing in the streets again
coming bare like a breast popping out
just a bit too much to take
sentences have words y'know

this world is loose
fuzzying around
greyed at the edges almost by flame
and one inellegant rotten breath can wipe it all out
pestilence has legs y'know

the worls is loose
casting about
for a smoke and a good pickup line
there are belly baring girls playing pool
aphrodite has given it a go y'know

the world is loosed
on every happy soul
breaking the jack boots in shit kicking style
kicking bass and inaudible names
this is THE world y'know

this world is loose
take it all in
the variety of colours breaking 'neath skin
get on up and get out to take the world on
some of us have plans y'know

hands

2005-03-25T11:48:00.000-05:00

in the spaces and places
there are these hands
long, thin birdlike hands
flowing with energy and lifeforce
colourful hands
pale as fresh snow or sallow and olive
hands that I watch and admire
wondering what possessing them would be like
if I had them for my own
these hands
wonderful hands
that shape, manage and mould
hands that are rock steady
what futures could I direct with them
these hands
that express confidence
that are graceful when talking
or just holding still
these hands
reaching out, encompassing
waving goodbye and leaving
these hands
captivate me
and in holding me still
capture me in all ways

a Bit about Me

2005-02-25T11:53:00.000-05:00

I sit on the floor
Outside my window there's a steel wall sky
Migraine's calling and dropping by
all I am is wondering
I don't know myself
can recite history for anyone
can make your machine beautiful
can clean to avoid life
clinging to everyone else's ideals
don't know what I wanted for me
lost my eye site to patriarchy
took a detour downtown
lived my parent's life
walked in on myself
and was so surprised to find
I lived here
I survived
there's no winning the knife fights
just degrees of bleeding to be
have my scars
my body is a temple carrying tattooed reliefs
I can't tell you anything
that's the secret to fortune telling
yo already know
walked away from me once
and I let myself go
I have to be my own star
there is no one else who
can read me or see me or make this whole
sense of being completed
human mysteries
and I am a secret
armed with unicode lies and lifelines
just try
one more breath
just try
to reach for
dark
star
hollow
burning
infantalized
and even now
I am secret
seeking to be known
bringing down the world
destroying every last dream
eating hope
for fuel
come and see the destruction
lend a hand
there is no desecration
if the intent is accepted
rebuild
take the pieces left over
take the offered hand
take more than anyone
and build the new me

Land's alive

2000-05-05T16:23:00.000-04:00

i am a lie
water flows around and down
pepsi scrapes my tongue
and ...
here is another lie about love
a barely sustained contact
just unable to connect
never learned how to
relate to anyone
and
do you like
what does it feel like?
what does it look like?
when does anyone become your friend
how do you know
is it as simple as this
just talking?
does it takes days and weeks and years
does it take one smile
that light you up inside
or a mere hello
when the land is alive
land's alive
when we die
we will all be together
then will we be friends?